Reconnect to Your Spouse! Try These 30 Awesome Tips!

30 Creative Ways to Reconnect to Your Spouse

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Reconnecting to your spouse after the kids leave is a crucial part of maintaining a healthy relationship. Sometimes, once the house is empty, we take our relationship for granted, and allow ourselves to become complacent. Or, if you’re lucky, you’ll see your relationship grow stronger after those pesky kids fly the coop! It can be a new adventure, a re-balancing of time with each other. Sometimes we get lost, and don’t know how to reconnect to our spouse.

Frankly, if my husband and I spend too much time together, we’ll go nut-so! I adore him, and he adore’s me, but too much time together results in us getting on each other’s nerves. Some couples need time away from each other, and some can spend every moment together and enjoy it!

Regardless of which type of couple you are, when the kids leave and the house is empty, we definitely feel the changes. We feel the emptiness, and we internally may start to panic about what to do next. Well, hopefully you and your significant other still like each other after years of raising kids together! Assuming you do, there are some things you can do to reconnect, rekindle, and keep yourself, and each other happy in the relationship!

Starting a New Child-Free Life Together

  1. Spend time apart. This doesn’t mean days and days, although, if that works for you, do what ya gotta do! But, what I mean here is go out with your friends for dinner and a movie, or a concert. Send him off with his friends to go fishing, hunting, play a round of golf, or shoot pool. And, while you’re apart, enjoy that time. It’s really okay to have fun while you’re apart!
  2. Be spontaneous! Don’t just have a set date night. Go on dates whenever the mood strikes you, and change it up. Don’t go to the same restaurant all the time. Try something new! Don’t go to the same spot for a romantic walk. Women, at least I know this is true of me, like variety. So, ladies, if you need to, have a conversation with your husband, and remind him that, while doing things that seem comfortable is great sometimes, doing something different is also fun, and exciting, and makes you happy!
  3. Hold hands. Don’t be stubborn about it. I know some people aren’t into holding hands in public, but I mean, come on! It’s not like you’re getting naked and having sex out on a park bench! It’s just hand holding. Do it!
  4. Work on your emotional connection. This is so extremely, super important! Relationships thrive on emotional intimacy. Furthermore, if you want to have physical intimacy, you must have emotional intimacy first. If your emotional relationship has been neglected, take the time, put in the effort, and reconnect on an emotional level! Don’t get complacent, and don’t settle for being content with the way things are. And, remember, as always, it is never a bad thing to speak up and discuss your needs and wants with your spouse.
  5. Have sex! You knew that was going to be in here, right? While sex, in and of itself, is not the most important aspect of a relationship, it is one of the aspects that needs to be explored, and nurtured. It is another way to emotionally connect, and is the partner to emotional intimacy. And, please, don’t be boring about this. Don’t have sex on the same day, every week, once a week. Be spontaneous, change it up, listen to each other. Oh, and you have the whole house to yourself now. Use it! ūüėČ

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Couples Activities to Try!

  1. Take vacations together. These don’t have to be for weeks at a time, and they don’t even have to be far from home. Sit down, talk about places you’d like to visit, and things you’d like to do together. My husband and I love going camping, and once our youngest is out of the house (or at least old enough to be alone for several days at a time), I have no doubt that we’ll be off camping by ourselves. Surprise your husband and take him on a fishing trip for a couple of days! Surprise your wife and take her to a two or three day spa vacation! Or, just find a cute, little B&B and surprise her (or him) with a few days away!
  2. Hopefully you have similar interests, as well as different interests. How about you try each other’s hobbies?! Does he love to play golf? You may think you’ll hate it, but you never know if you’ve never tried. Does she enjoy painting pictures? Get out those painting supplies and paint a picture with her! Whatever the hobby, pick one, and try it. Even if it’s not for you, you’ve just bonded a little more, and (hopefully) had some fun together! It’s okay to be silly with each other!
  3. Try a new hobby together. My husband and I have actually discussed taking dancing lessons together…we still need to get on that!
  4. Play a game together. Board games, card games, whatever. If you’re both home, and you’re just doing the same old stuff, change it up, and play a game together. My favorite game to play with my husband is Cribbage.
  5. Cook a meal for your SO. Make their favorite meal, or make something new. You can use this meal as a romantic evening, as well. Candles, wine, dancing…right in your own dining room!
  6. So, this is going to sound typical, and boring, but just watch a movie together. Don’t talk to each other. Sit with each other, maybe snuggle, but don’t talk. Just enjoy each other’s company, and whatever movie you’ve chosen. My husband has told me many, many times that he loves that we can sit together, in the same room, either doing different things, or watching a move, and neither one of us feels the need to constantly talk.
  7. Snuggle. Yes. Just. Snuggle. No expectations. Take a break, sit on the couch, or lay on the bed, and just be together. You might fall asleep and take a nap together. You might wind up having sex. None of that is the intention, but whatever happens, be happy with it. The intention is just to be there in the moment with each other.
  8. Okay, so this may sound super corny, but either verbally, or in a notebook, or on the chalkboard in your kitchen, tell each other some positive things about the other, each day. Even one compliment when you start your day is a beautiful, positive way to start! My husband tells me, often, how “cute” I am in the mornings. I remind him of how much I appreciate how hard he works. Keep it positive, then, when something less-than-positive happens, it doesn’t seem so bad, and you’re less likely to focus on the negative.
  9. A great activity for a couple is to do some type of DIY project together, or make some simple, (stress-free) home improvements. It can be a lot of fun figuring out how to do something, work toward a common goal, and when the work is completed, you did it together!
  10. Go to the zoo, or the aquarium. Chances are, you love animals. I mean, who doesn’t? Or, if the zoo really isn’t your thing, go to a botanical garden, an art museum, or a history museum. Add a little variety, and culture to your lives.

Need More Ideas? Try the Dating Divas!

  1. Spend an entire day unplugged! This is pretty self-explanatory.
  2. Get a couples massage. Oh, the bliss!
  3. Double date! Or triple. Find another couple or two who you love spending time with, and plan a fun evening out with your friends!
  4. Write each other a love letter. Super sweet, and a great way to express your emotions because you have the time to really think about the words you want to use.
  5. Go on a picnic. Every community has parks, and areas where you can spread out a blanket, and sit down for a quiet, relaxing lunch or dinner picnic.
  6. Work out together. My husband and I are pretty health conscious, and actually really enjoy going to the gym together.
  7. Go to the theater. Check out a play, or musical. Or, go to a concert together. Just make sure you both enjoy the artist!
  8. Wake up early and watch the sunrise. love, marriage, couple
  9. Go horseback riding on the beach. Okay, maybe I added this because my husband and I actually do ride horses, but it’s really a fun, and relaxing way to spend time together…and breathe in the clean, beach air!
  10. Slow dance. It doesn’t even matter where you are. Just slow dance! Why? Because it’s romantic, because it’s sweet, and it is a guaranteed way to make your spouse (especially wives) feel super special! And a fantastic way to reconnect to your spouse!
  11. Go to a winery or brewery (or both, but maybe on different days), and have a wine/beer tasting. My husband and I have done this before and it’s really fun!
  12. Buy different chocolates, and have a chocolate tasting at home. First of all, chocolate is just yummy, and second, this could turn into other fun bonding activities!
  13. Go to a sporting event! My husband and I love football, and my goal is to get him to a game this year!
  14. Plan an international trip together. Hash out all of the details, and create a plan for saving up for your trip. For instance, my husband wants to take me to Amsterdam one day. This, of course, goes beyond just taking a vacation together. When you go international, you need to do some planning. What country would you and your spouse like to visit?
  15. Write open-when letters. “Open when you’re sad”, or “Open when you’re mad at me”, or “Open when you’ve had a bad day at work”. They all work. They’re all great for making your spouse feel better. They don’t all have to be letters that you open on negative days. Get creative!

Do you think you’re going through a midlife crisis? Check out my article, Top 14 Ways to Beat the Midlife Crisis!

Stop thinking negatively about midlife. Check out How to Change the Way You View Midlife for great tips!

Check out the very best on marriage advice at The Dating Divas!

8 Awesome Tips You Need to Create an Awesome Marriage

8 Awesome Tips You Need to Create an Awesome Marriage

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8 Awesome Tips You Need to Create an Awesome Marriage

What’s that? Create an awesome marriage? How do I create an awesome marriage?

Effort, my friends. Lots, and lots of effort, love, patience, and understanding. Sometimes this can take a great deal of practice. But without those components, how long do we truly think a relationship will last?

Many people are very quick to go the divorce route because things aren’t going their way. Well, sorry, buddy! Marriage isn’t about things going your way. It’s about compromise. The ability to discuss, and work out problems in a mature, civilized manner. In this way, we actually create an awesome marriage. We’re not sitting around, waiting for it to appear out of thin air. And if that’s what you’re doing in your marriage, or relationship, you’re going to be waiting a hell of a long time.¬†love

1. Let Go of Expectations

I personally work very hard on not having expectations, but I understand that many people do have expectations and, typically, expectations lead to disappointment. ¬†The thing to learn is how to just be happy and let go of expectations in relationships. ¬†When we have expectations, we feel disappointed when those expectations aren’t met. No expectations equals no disappointment, and this helps to create an awesome marriage. No, this isn’t easy, and I haven’t always worked on this skill, but I find it to be so helpful within my marriage, as well as all of my other relationships! Friendships, relatives, whatever the relationship is, having little to no expectations results in me being a happier person!

How do we maintain a healthy, happy relationship, despite the other person’s faults or annoying habits? Well, you have to create the relationship. It’s not realistic to think that it’ll always be sunshine and rainbows, and it’s also not realistic to run every time there’s a problem. Problems arise, and we have to deal with them appropriately. We also have to accept that living with another person forEVER is not just fun, fun, fun.

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2. Face Reality

I wonder if people get married thinking that they’re always going to have those lovey-dovey feelings for their significant other. ¬†It just isn’t realistic. ¬†Yes, we feel love for our spouse or significant other, we enjoy their company, we care for them and take care of them. ¬†No, the honeymoon period does not remain. ¬†That butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling may not last forever. ¬†But when a couple works at their relationship, a different, deeper, more intimate love grows.

I think that many people become complacent in their relationships and start to focus on the negatives. ¬†It happened to my husband and I for a little while. ¬†We were driving each other crazy!¬† It happens to us all.¬† But it was because we were both focusing on the negatives. You’re never (ever) going to find a person who is perfect…a person who doesn’t drive you bananas. It’s not realistic. Want to create an awesome marriage? Be realistic about what you think an awesome marriage should look like.

While we all have issues in our marriages that need to be worked out, and focusing solely on the negatives will hinder forward movement and growth within the relationship. Be realistic, and stop focusing on all of the things that your spouse does that make you want to rip your hair out.

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3. Focus on the Positives

My husband and I have a long history together and have very strong feelings for each other, therefore, it is a priority to each of us that we work on our relationship together, as partners.

I look at my marriage this way…We are life partners and absent any major problem, (such as cheating), it is mine and my husband’s responsibility to work things out. ¬†Obviously if he felt differently, I’d have to be o.k. with that. ¬†Lucky for me he feels the same. And how do we keep ourselves and each other happy? We focus on the positives.

My husband is extraordinarily loyal, giving, and caring. I am a major nurturer. I’m always making sure that he has plenty of good food for his work weeks (he’s away a lot), and that he knows how much I miss him when he’s gone. He helps me run our kids around on the weekends when he’s home. For him, life doesn’t get put on hold just because he’s not at work.

4. Don’t Dwell on Arguments

Think about your siblings or a friend you’ve had for many years. ¬†Would you dump that friend or disown your siblings because you have a difference of opinion or because of a fight? ¬†Most likely not. ¬†We value those relationships and work on them in order to make them last. ¬†Why don’t we, as a society, value our romantic relationships in the same way?

I’ve noticed that people who are unable to maintain long-term relationships all have a couple of things¬†in common: A lack of patience, too much pride, and being too stubborn. ¬†These people are unwilling to compromise. ¬†Let me spell that out for you: c-o-m-p-r-o-m-i-s-e. ¬†It is vital for any relationship. ¬†Friendships, family relationships, and romantic relationships.

The definition of compromise is: an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.

Each side.

You can not have a successful relationship without both people having the willingness to let go of pride, stubbornness, and being willing to compromise. ¬†Sometimes we have to give a little to get a little. ¬†And my advice to those who are unwilling to give an inch…don’t get married. ¬†It’s as simple as that. And I’m mature enough to admit that I struggle with these skills, but I work on them. I put in the effort to be a better person for my husband.

5. Accept Change

Marriage is change. ¬†Life is change. ¬†We all go through changes throughout our lifetime. ¬†It is inevitable that if you hold on to the idea that you just refuse to change for anyone, the worse off you’ll be, because at some point, you’re going to need to allow changes within yourself, even if you’re not married. We can’t change other people, but we can change ourselves and become better communicators, better partners, and better parents.

Marriage isn’t for everyone and I have tremendous respect for those who see that about themselves. ¬†My husband and I have a friend who, at this time, doesn’t want to get married. ¬†He may never want to get married. ¬†He’s happy being a bachelor. ¬†That’s totally cool! ¬†At least he’s not fooling himself or anyone else. ¬†He knows what he wants and makes it known when he meets a woman. ¬†No hiding, no lying, no pretending.

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6. Communicate

If there’s something you need, as a person, that’s perfectly fine.¬† However, don’t keep it to yourself and expect you partner to read your mind. Communicate with your partner! ¬†This isn’t as difficult as you might think. ¬†Just say the words. ¬†Have respect for your partner, discuss your needs and wants clearly, and with care. ¬†And if you’re approached by your partner who needs to express themselves, listen with patience and understanding.

We’re all different and we all need different things. ¬†It took a while for me to get my husband to understand that the things he values about me are different from the things I value about him, and the things I need in order to feel appreciated, for example, are different than the things he needs. ¬†We are individuals. ¬†Once we each learned what the other needed, things became much easier for us. ¬†Yes, we still argue, but we make the concerted effort to argue effectively.

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7. Don’t Confide in Someone Else

We all have a close friend or two who we can confide in, and can bounce ideas off of, but, don’t go to work and complain about your significant other without actually making the effort with your significant other to create a happy life together. While discussing things with one close friend is sometimes needed, creating a situation that could get you into trouble should be avoided. Some people make this mistake by confiding in someone of the opposite sex, and essentially have an emotional relationship with someone else. This is a major no-no!

If, after overcoming stubbornness, impatience, and pride towards each other, you still have issues that simply can’t be worked out, then take the steps you need to take in order to be happy. ¬†But it isn’t respectful, or fair to complain about your significant other to other people, but keeping those thoughts and feelings from your spouse.

8. Do New Things Together

Maybe you enjoy being out in nature. Grab your spouse and go for a walk, hiking, bike riding, fishing, or camping together. Or check out an event that’s happening in your area. We all are on Facebook…which has tons of events all over the place! Explore new and different ways of spending time together! Once the kids leave the house, you’re going to have to learn how to be a couple again, as well as how to spend time apart. My husband and I have always wanted to take dancing lessons together. The sky really is the limit! Get creative and have some fun with each other.

You can find some creative, fun ideas from the Dating Divas website! It’s one of my favorite sites for marriage and family resources!

I adore my husband despite his faults, but focusing on the positives helps tremendously. ¬†Sometimes that’s difficult, but so worth it. ¬†He’s loving, funny, helpful around the house, sweet, kind, understanding and patient (well, he’s working on patience, but making progress), and there is no one on this earth I would rather be with. Does he drive me crazy? Well, duh! But is it worth wasting time focusing on those times?

Try making a list of only positive things about your significant other.  Stay away from the things that annoy you.  Take a week to do it.  Observe him or her each day and really see what they do for you.  You may just be surprised!

And if you’re in need of some help, a fantastic author to check out is Mark Gungor. ¬†Not only is he funny, endearing, and relatable, he’s intelligent and knows what he’s talking about! ¬†You can find his book, “Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage,” here. ¬†If you’re looking for a way to get back to a happy marriage, he’s definitely your guy.

And after you finish here, head on over to 30 Creative Ways to Reconnect to Your Spouse for some inspiration!