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8 Awesome Tips You Need to Create an Awesome Marriage
What’s that? Create an awesome marriage? How do I create an awesome marriage?
Effort, my friends. Lots, and lots of effort, love, patience, and understanding. Sometimes this can take a great deal of practice. But without those components, how long do we truly think a relationship will last?
Many people are very quick to go the divorce route because things aren’t going their way. Well, sorry, buddy! Marriage isn’t about things going your way. It’s about compromise. The ability to discuss, and work out problems in a mature, civilized manner. In this way, we actually create an awesome marriage. We’re not sitting around, waiting for it to appear out of thin air. And if that’s what you’re doing in your marriage, or relationship, you’re going to be waiting a hell of a long time.
1. Let Go of Expectations
I personally work very hard on not having expectations, but I understand that many people do have expectations and, typically, expectations lead to disappointment. The thing to learn is how to just be happy and let go of expectations in relationships. When we have expectations, we feel disappointed when those expectations aren’t met. No expectations equals no disappointment, and this helps to create an awesome marriage. No, this isn’t easy, and I haven’t always worked on this skill, but I find it to be so helpful within my marriage, as well as all of my other relationships! Friendships, relatives, whatever the relationship is, having little to no expectations results in me being a happier person!
How do we maintain a healthy, happy relationship, despite the other person’s faults or annoying habits? Well, you have to create the relationship. It’s not realistic to think that it’ll always be sunshine and rainbows, and it’s also not realistic to run every time there’s a problem. Problems arise, and we have to deal with them appropriately. We also have to accept that living with another person forEVER is not just fun, fun, fun.
2. Face Reality
I wonder if people get married thinking that they’re always going to have those lovey-dovey feelings for their significant other. It just isn’t realistic. Yes, we feel love for our spouse or significant other, we enjoy their company, we care for them and take care of them. No, the honeymoon period does not remain. That butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling may not last forever. But when a couple works at their relationship, a different, deeper, more intimate love grows.
I think that many people become complacent in their relationships and start to focus on the negatives. It happened to my husband and I for a little while. We were driving each other crazy! It happens to us all. But it was because we were both focusing on the negatives. You’re never (ever) going to find a person who is perfect…a person who doesn’t drive you bananas. It’s not realistic. Want to create an awesome marriage? Be realistic about what you think an awesome marriage should look like.
While we all have issues in our marriages that need to be worked out, and focusing solely on the negatives will hinder forward movement and growth within the relationship. Be realistic, and stop focusing on all of the things that your spouse does that make you want to rip your hair out.
3. Focus on the Positives
My husband and I have a long history together and have very strong feelings for each other, therefore, it is a priority to each of us that we work on our relationship together, as partners.
I look at my marriage this way…We are life partners and absent any major problem, (such as cheating), it is mine and my husband’s responsibility to work things out. Obviously if he felt differently, I’d have to be o.k. with that. Lucky for me he feels the same. And how do we keep ourselves and each other happy? We focus on the positives.
My husband is extraordinarily loyal, giving, and caring. I am a major nurturer. I’m always making sure that he has plenty of good food for his work weeks (he’s away a lot), and that he knows how much I miss him when he’s gone. He helps me run our kids around on the weekends when he’s home. For him, life doesn’t get put on hold just because he’s not at work.
4. Don’t Dwell on Arguments
Think about your siblings or a friend you’ve had for many years. Would you dump that friend or disown your siblings because you have a difference of opinion or because of a fight? Most likely not. We value those relationships and work on them in order to make them last. Why don’t we, as a society, value our romantic relationships in the same way?
I’ve noticed that people who are unable to maintain long-term relationships all have a couple of things in common: A lack of patience, too much pride, and being too stubborn. These people are unwilling to compromise. Let me spell that out for you: c-o-m-p-r-o-m-i-s-e. It is vital for any relationship. Friendships, family relationships, and romantic relationships.
The definition of compromise is: an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.
You can not have a successful relationship without both people having the willingness to let go of pride, stubbornness, and being willing to compromise. Sometimes we have to give a little to get a little. And my advice to those who are unwilling to give an inch…don’t get married. It’s as simple as that. And I’m mature enough to admit that I struggle with these skills, but I work on them. I put in the effort to be a better person for my husband.
5. Accept Change
Marriage is change. Life is change. We all go through changes throughout our lifetime. It is inevitable that if you hold on to the idea that you just refuse to change for anyone, the worse off you’ll be, because at some point, you’re going to need to allow changes within yourself, even if you’re not married. We can’t change other people, but we can change ourselves and become better communicators, better partners, and better parents.
Marriage isn’t for everyone and I have tremendous respect for those who see that about themselves. My husband and I have a friend who, at this time, doesn’t want to get married. He may never want to get married. He’s happy being a bachelor. That’s totally cool! At least he’s not fooling himself or anyone else. He knows what he wants and makes it known when he meets a woman. No hiding, no lying, no pretending.
If there’s something you need, as a person, that’s perfectly fine. However, don’t keep it to yourself and expect you partner to read your mind. Communicate with your partner! This isn’t as difficult as you might think. Just say the words. Have respect for your partner, discuss your needs and wants clearly, and with care. And if you’re approached by your partner who needs to express themselves, listen with patience and understanding.
We’re all different and we all need different things. It took a while for me to get my husband to understand that the things he values about me are different from the things I value about him, and the things I need in order to feel appreciated, for example, are different than the things he needs. We are individuals. Once we each learned what the other needed, things became much easier for us. Yes, we still argue, but we make the concerted effort to argue effectively.
7. Don’t Confide in Someone Else
We all have a close friend or two who we can confide in, and can bounce ideas off of, but, don’t go to work and complain about your significant other without actually making the effort with your significant other to create a happy life together. While discussing things with one close friend is sometimes needed, creating a situation that could get you into trouble should be avoided. Some people make this mistake by confiding in someone of the opposite sex, and essentially have an emotional relationship with someone else. This is a major no-no!
If, after overcoming stubbornness, impatience, and pride towards each other, you still have issues that simply can’t be worked out, then take the steps you need to take in order to be happy. But it isn’t respectful, or fair to complain about your significant other to other people, but keeping those thoughts and feelings from your spouse.
8. Do New Things Together
Maybe you enjoy being out in nature. Grab your spouse and go for a walk, hiking, bike riding, fishing, or camping together. Or check out an event that’s happening in your area. We all are on Facebook…which has tons of events all over the place! Explore new and different ways of spending time together! Once the kids leave the house, you’re going to have to learn how to be a couple again, as well as how to spend time apart. My husband and I have always wanted to take dancing lessons together. The sky really is the limit! Get creative and have some fun with each other.
You can find some creative, fun ideas from the Dating Divas website! It’s one of my favorite sites for marriage and family resources!
I adore my husband despite his faults, but focusing on the positives helps tremendously. Sometimes that’s difficult, but so worth it. He’s loving, funny, helpful around the house, sweet, kind, understanding and patient (well, he’s working on patience, but making progress), and there is no one on this earth I would rather be with. Does he drive me crazy? Well, duh! But is it worth wasting time focusing on those times?
Try making a list of only positive things about your significant other. Stay away from the things that annoy you. Take a week to do it. Observe him or her each day and really see what they do for you. You may just be surprised!
And if you’re in need of some help, a fantastic author to check out is Mark Gungor. Not only is he funny, endearing, and relatable, he’s intelligent and knows what he’s talking about! You can find his book, “Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage,” here. If you’re looking for a way to get back to a happy marriage, he’s definitely your guy.
And after you finish here, head on over to 30 Creative Ways to Reconnect to Your Spouse for some inspiration!